I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
