Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
