Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
