My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
