just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
