maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
