I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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