Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
