Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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