Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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