evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Four minutes until I can fart!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
just found out that she named her cat after me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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