Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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