apparently the secret to your success is patron
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It was confusing and full of hummus
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
