She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
