Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
