about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's never too late to be topless.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
