if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
