She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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