Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
