fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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