It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
