The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
