go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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