I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What did we do last night that was yellow?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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