he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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