so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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