I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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