worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize