I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
