It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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