Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do vagina's smell?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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