Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
