if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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