The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
