Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
