It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
