I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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