Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
