Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
