I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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