i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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