I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
