Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
