he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
