walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
