so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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