my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like death gave me a hand job
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
