Pappa wants mamma naked
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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