I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
