I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she peed on how many people?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
