I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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