I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
