dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
